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How did Cita clearly manifest her preparedness for the end of her earthly life? By writing what she called a “Living Will.” Here’s the full text of My Living Will, which she wrote about two months before her grand homecoming to the Source:

“As a proud member of the human race, I have always marveled with awe at Life’s mysteries and miracles – from the miracle of Life’s alpha to the mystery of its omega and beyond.

“The cap of the historic Manunggul jar excavated in Palawan has two men in a boat journeying to the afterlife. The potter or potters of this jar

reflected this prevalent belief as far back as 3,500 years ago.

“Other, non-human, life forms die naturally as they are born or hatched many times in the company of their mate or flock or herd.

“I affirm my life as a divine gift, coming to this world as naturally as the urban life of my time permitted. And I wish to leave as naturally as possible, like the many luscious life forms teeming in our planet and this gift of Life I wish to give

As much as possible, I wish to exercise my rights and responsibilities in deciding the appropriate medical treatment and health care for me.

“In the event this is no longer possible, I wish for my husband, Ed Reyes; my sister, Myrna S. Estrada; my parents, Domeng and Nene Soriente; and my brother-in-law, Bodi Estrada, to decide along the following wishes:

a) I do not wish to avail of further tests and treatments that cannot promise a good chance of significant improvement and which may have the risk of increasing my morbidity; and

b) I refuse to be put in a life-support system (respirator, prolonged nasogastric feedings or intravenous therapy, etc.)

“In addition, I wish Myrna Estrada take charge of my funeral, and my dear friend Jinky Yap, to assist her in all the necessary details before and after my burial.

“I wish further that the remains of my eldest son be excavated and buried with me.

“May my passing away be a part of our learning experience to the full meaning of LIFE. I am very thankful to die in the grace of LOVE and Peace and I gratefully return to my SOURCE.

To be sure, there was no immediate state of serene acceptance for Cita. She had to grapple first with some difficult questions like, “What can one bring along in death?” On this question, she manages to answer herself: “Only your spirituality, your growth in it!”

One time, on October 7 1993, a “pray-over” was held for Cita. It was then when my brother Surf told her that the only thing one can bring along in death is one’s spirituality. (Surf was then visiting her with my sisters Mila and Marie.) Cita put this in a diary entry:

“I was very much comforted by what Surf said in the beginning. He said, what is happening to me is karmic. He said I am not the type of person who needs this to be changed – to be good. It’s either of two things: that I have to undergo this because after this I will be testimony of something, should I pull through. Or I need to undergo this as a test for something spiritual.

“I cannot yet comprehend what exactly in what he said gave me peace and comfort. But I was so comforted, such that when we started praying I was giving thanks to the Lord – I had so many things to thank for, immediately (this will be an entry, another entry which I hope to fill in immediately.)

“Then, I asked for forgiveness for the times of shortsightedness, of loosely commenting with foolish remarks or tactless comments that displeased people. I asked for forgiveness for the times I lost my temper and became impatient with my sons and with my husband.

“Then, Marie babbled strange sounds – sounding Arabic or Hindu. Then Mila sang that the Holy Spirit was in our presence. For about three to five minutes the sisters chanted and sang. Then they slowed, calmed and quieted down.

“Then, my sister wept and sobbed like a child. In between sobs she said she saw my son and our eldest brother.

“And their message was to forgive myself. Then my sister said I was too hard on myself. And that I was carrying it all by myself.”

She returned to this topic with a diary entry dated 16 March 1994. The stream of thoughts was triggered by a profound talk she had with Sr. Mayang, an American Maryknoll missionary, and close friend Jinky Yap:

“That visit was a moment of grace for me. Guilt feelings arising from my questions about God, from my past attitudes about Him, from my loved-ones’ praying so fervently to Him, while I could only approach Him half-heartedly (because of those questions) were released. I was so happy and felt free.

“Right now, I’d like to recount its after-effect (of the visit. Among other things, they helped me verbalize my feelings for what I was undergoing. They advised me to slowly let my children know of my situation.)

“The next day, while lying in bed, and idly staring at our white-painted ceiling, I recalled these two dear friends. I thought… ‘Were they preparing me for death? Or what they shared may have been their way of preparing themselves for the possibility of my death?’

I felt a weak urge of denying, of telling myself that I was not yet going to die.

“Days before their visit, I had already thought of this: ‘What should I accomplish now (on saying goodbye, or folding-up) and not wait till I begin dying? In those days, satisfactory answers would not pop up.’

“This day, insightful thoughts crossed my mind as I pondered on what Jinky and Mayang wanted to express in that visit (when they brought corn and bananas).

“When I go, I realized, there is absolutely nothing that I can take with me of this world. I can’t bring along my body, that’s for sure. No pictures or souvenirs. I doubt it if I can even bring with me my memories and my consciousness. What about my feelings? I don’t know.

“This realization is not new to me. But thinking about it now with relevance to me, I suddenly begin to realize its full impact, the full impact of absolutely leaving everything of this world, of not being able to bring anything of this world.

“With a deep sigh of mixed amusement and sweet sorrow, I shout in my mind, ‘Para saan pa, Cita, na halos magpakamatay ka, na nagdudusa ka nang husto, na nanggigigil ka nang husto, na sumamâ ang loob mo nang husto, at some points in your life? Wala ka namang mabibitbit sa mga pinagpapagurang ito!’ (What’s the point, Cita, that you have almost been giving up your life, that you have been enduring all that suffering, that you have worked up such wrath and endured so much emotional sufferings, at some points in your life,? You cannot bring along with you any of those things you have worked for!)

“Oh how I shook my head, in bittersweet but understanding/compassionate regret. I felt no blame or guilt. I guess by this time, I had already processed/resolved or held at bay, my negative feelings and attitudes. Then the anticipatory grief (as psychologists describe it) I was feeling from the impending loss of living was eased or somehow became lighter. I felt some unburdening.

More importantly, this realization, of not being able to bring anything, showed me the distinction of the essentials from the non-essentials.

I realized, almost simultaneously (with realizing how I worried too much, got carried away by the many non-essentials) that the essentials were few. And that what clouded my mind from these were the many things/tasks/roles I wanted to achieve in so little time.

I realize now that “I don’t have time” is no excuse to neglect what is most important to me. That the reason why many of us don’t have the time is because we can’t say no to what we want done as soon as possible, or to the many things we want.

Realizing the few things most important to me, my mind raced to the concluding point. In fact, it felt like a voice had whispered it to me, “it’s what you’ll leave behind and not what you’ll bring.”

“Then, I thought, my friends will remember only the essentials – the essentials again!

“No, it’s not having so many titles attached to my name, having a mansion, being known, being gorgeous and beautiful, or being popular, or the common hallmarks of success in society. For me, these are empty victories if the great majority, 90%, is wallowing in poverty and deprivation, living in misery because of the lack of social structures to promote their development.

“Am I being self-righteous to other people who deserve their material success after having honestly worked for it?

“If I were a daughter of a banana magnate, wife of a corporate lawyer or a banker, a powerful politician, would I feel the same way? I will never know because I will never be one and I certainly do not regret not being one.

“But even Jesus preached that the wealth of the rich prevents them from loving God from inside and that in order to experience the Kingdom of God, the rich must share what he has beyond what he needs.

“Anyway, whether spiritual or material or both, the essentials to all of us are few.

“It also occurred to me that there is one thing that we probably can bring with us when we leave this world – our spirituality.”

Apparently, the essentials – especially spirituality – that Cita discerned then, later on dovetailed with what Fr. Ton told her: That our nature did not allow us to sit idly by as our fellow humans got exploited and abused and had to go hungry and homeless. As I was to discern later, with the help of Walsch, actualization and assertion of that basic nature became Cita’s clear statement of who she really was, and that was the actualization and assertion of her spirituality.

The statement was made for all to witness, and that legacy was what she left with us. For, as she said clearly in her diary to answer her own question:

“Realizing the few things most important to me, my mind raced to the concluding point. In fact, it felt like a voice had whispered it to me, ‘it’s what you’ll leave behind and not what you’ll bring.’

Two months before her homecoming she said that she was ready. On April 16, she wrote in her diary:

“For the first time, my heart was able to accept completely and wholeheartedly whatever it is that God wills of me. My heart has become willing for whatever outcome.

“It was one of those moments in a stream of consciousness when suddenly some reflections would gush and flow and enlighten or inspire.

“The realization was sudden. In tears, I told God that my life came from him and that only he could really have the final say. And so, I said, all right, even if I still pray to live, I entrust to you my fate, since my life came from you, anyway.

Carmencita Santos Soriente-Reyes “went home to The Source” at 4 p.m. of June 11, 1994.

Through the few decades of joys and sacrifices, big and small, Cita was giving up her life while living it most fully.

And she lives on in all of us who have been blessed by her love and inspiration.